I met the friendliest cop last night
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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