saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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