my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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