the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
