Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
