My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
