i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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