Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
