So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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