And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
