I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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