i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
