I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Are we still banned from the library?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
