so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
