Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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