I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize