yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
