I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
