Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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