and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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