i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize