Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
