Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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