saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
