Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
