Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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