He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
