Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
