Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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