The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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