Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
