Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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