I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
