new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
