Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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