did you get engaged???
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
