Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
