Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
