Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it was like eating out sand paper
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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