yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
