do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
