She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
