I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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