When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This house was built for laser tag.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
