So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
