I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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