Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize