sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
