She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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