R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize