Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just had sex on a roof
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
