If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
