from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
