Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
