Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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