If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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