It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
