True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
