I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
