Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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