im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
