i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
