I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
