Pants 0. Shit 1.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
