walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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