I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize