I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize