rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize