Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
