At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
