Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize