I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
